Tipping is out of control. But service should be rewarded, good or bad.

Last night I grabbed a margarita in a can from the bodega, swiped my card, and a default tip popped up on the screen: 25% Oh. Hell. No. Now, I'm not Mr. Pink’s cheap-ass from Reservoir Dogs, I just believe in tipping for services performed. My grandma was a diner waitress all her life, and she always said "tips" stood for "To ensure proper service." Not sure if she made that up, but it sounds legit.

Unsure how you should tip? Here’s some tips for you:

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  So good, you stop short of slapping yo mama if somebody talked bad about the service. Tip: 25% baby

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  They did the damn thing but you aren't going as far as following them on the ‘Gram.
  Tip: Multiply tax times 2

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  You ate. Tip: Tax plus $2

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  Your food had some unidentified shards of metal in it... but the server was cool. Tip: Drizzle a couple of bucks

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  Rude ass server took forever to bring the wrong food, dropped it in your lap, and blamed YOU. Tip: Tell them to find a new job